I cleaned out my office fridge after the Christmas break. It was so bad I wrote this. Download a 2-page PDF you can print for your own office fridge!
Bored with technology & the Internet, I recently resolved to get back into books, specifically, classic science fiction. First on the list was a utopian novel by veteran Arthur C. Clarke, most well-known for 2001: A Space Odyssey. I chose one of his earlier novels.
Just as the human space-race begins to heat up, aliens descend on Earth but it’s ok because they are nice aliens, or so they say. They become our “guardians” and prevent us from destroying ourselves but they don’t tell us why…
I don’t read books enough. I used to devour them. I distinctly remember inhaling Adams’ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and William Gibson’s Bridge trilogy. But over the last 5 years or so I have developed a kind of “book attention deficit disorder” perpetuated by social media and more shallow forms of amusement such as films and TV. I remember the precise moment when it started, too. I was reading the first of the Dune books and came across a concept so profoundly insightful that I instantly believed the book had peaked, and that reading on would be pointless. That a writer in 1965 could so accurately predict the inevitable outcome of the war the human race has with its desire for advancement and its own lack of foresight, simply blew my mind.
My Review of Summadayze was published in Inpress magazine this year.
SUMMADAYZE 2012, SIDNEY MYER MUSIC BOWL
Summadayze has a reputation as one of the key mainstream music festivals of the summer, but the festival landscape is becoming more competitive. Embarrassing delays of headline acts aside, the promoters have all the bases covered: the location, lineup, stages, sound, sunshine and singlets – all check. But is ticking all the music-festival boxes still enough to be that one, choice, must-attend summer event?
Usage defines meaning.
Hippie-whip: (verb) To exploit someone’s strongly held alternative values and beliefs for the purposes of tricking them into going out of their way to help or support you. The subjects of a hippie-whip are compelled to act in your interests as it is a way for them to demonstrate their commitment to their hippie values.
Their daughter enjoys being a vegetarian, not because of any noble principles, but simply because it’s a way for her to “hippie-whip” her parents into making a fuss over her and her vegetarianism.
Phone leg: A British synonym of phantom phone, the experience of feeling your phone vibrate in your pocket when in fact it hasn’t. You are either imagining it or mistaking other vibration sources for your phone. Commonly occurs when driving in the narrow cobble-stoned streets of London. More likely to occur if you are talking about someone behind their back. You suddenly think they’re calling you, feel an immediate twinge of guilt, followed by immense relief when you realise it was just phone leg.
Ed: “Hang on, my phone’s going. Oh no it’s not. It’s phone leg. I thought it was my daughter. Do you get phone leg?”
Rob: “Yes, but I try not to keep it in my leg.”
Ed: “What are you, a terminator?”
ESL speak: The change in speech that happens (sometimes unconsciously) when an EFL speaker is talking to an ESL speaker. The EFL speaks louder & slower, uses clearer syllables and sometimes adopts the accent of their ESL audience. Useful when ordering Chinese or Indian takeaway over the phone so it is more easily understood. Has no racist motivations at all but is simply a practical way to assist communication.
EFL: “I have one beef-a-black-been, laaj spesha frai raice, tree dim sim.”
ESL: “Ok, be ten fitteen minnas. Ba Bai.”
Friend-of-EFL: “Dude, that was some nice ESL speak.”
ESL: “Tayn-you. Mehbe I shudda orda sam sprin roos a well.”
Friend-of-ESL: “OK you can stop now you friggin racist.”